التحكم فى النفس - كيف تحكم غضبك -كيف تستطيع التحكم فى غضبك How to control your anger before it controls you

 

How to control your anger before it controls you

What is it like to be angry?

What is anger?
 
Often when we are angry, the main thing that we are aware of is our angry mood.  Our mood can vary in strength from a mild irritation to a white-hot rage.  When it reaches its strongest, it is unlikely that we will be aware of much else.  However, when we look for causes of our anger, we most often direct our attention outwards, to events or people in our immediate world or surroundings.  For instance, the
lazy motorist holding up traffic in the first example at the beginning of  this leaflet, the careless children in the second, or the rude behavior  of the people in the shop.
 
The psychological explanation of anger recognizes that our mood is a key part of the anger, but it is not the only part.  In order to
understand the causes of anger better, we need to look at the other
parts in a systematic way, and to see how they fit together and
influence each other.  It is helpful to separate the personal aspects of
anger into our mood, thoughts, bodily reactions and impulsive
behaviour.  The other part we need to consider is the outside world
or our surroundings.  We need to look at how changes in this affect
us, and how we in turn may make changes in our behavior that
affect our environment.  The following may help to make sense of this.

2.  What causes anger?

Anger can vary from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.  As with all emotion, bodily changes go with it – heart rate goes up, blood pressure goes up as our body is prepared for "fight or flight" (to get
away).

It can be caused by reacting to things outside us such as other
people or events (such as the traffic jam in the first example) or by worrying over our own personal problems.  Upsetting memories from the past can lead to angry thoughts and feelings.  It is important to note that it is not people or events that make you angry it is your reaction to them that makes you angry

Some people tend to be angrier than others.  Research has shown that they have a low tolerance for frustration.  They can’t take thing
in their stride.  It may be that some people are naturally more like the from birth, but it may also be that they have not learned to handle
anger and to express their feelings in other ways.

Some people come from families that are poor at handling emotion
and talking, families where levels of anger are high.  These people
are more likely to have difficulties with anger.

Getting very angry is never helpful and the belief that it can make you feel better is not true.  Research has found that if you let your anger loose it can get out of control.  Being angry means you do no learn to handle the situation.  It is best to begin to understand your
anger and gain control over it. .

Controlling anger

1.  Angry Thoughts

We have seen that thoughts can make us feel angry, but often people
who have a problem with anger do not notice these angry thoughts. 
It is important in trying to gain control over anger that we begin to
recognise and challenge those thoughts.

'Hot' thoughts

'Hot' thoughts are angry thoughts that flash into your mind and make
you feel worse.  People tend to have similar thoughts happening
again and again, for example:

  "He is so stupid"
  "You’re making a fool of me"
 "You’re selfish"
  "I want to hurt you"
  "I hate this place"

Thinking Errors: Taking things personally

People who are angry often take things personally and feel hurt by it. 
They look for and expect criticism from other people.  If for example
someone doesn’t speak to them in a shop they may feel that person
dislikes them, when in fact it may be that he or she is just shy or
worried.  If someone looks over at them they may think, "he thinks I’m
stupid", when in fact the person is just glancing over without any such
thought

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